trudiannracquel

Category: faith

  • 3 Things I Learned After my Breakup

    I will say this honestly.

    I have felt better in the past few days than I’ve felt over the past two months. I started waking up and not thinking about my ex. I started cooking for myself and eating well again. I felt myself falling in love with God and my life. I just started to look on the bright side of things.

    And that only started this past week.

    So, you can imagine my hesitation when I had planned weeks ago to write a blog post that brings up moments of distress and depression. However, I’m living with the mindset that my pain has a purpose. And through this pain, I had a few lightbulb moments that have really resonated with me.

    Hopefully, this will give you a little bit of comfort when you’re going through a difficult time. It doesn’t have to be heartbreak of the romantic kind: it could be friendship, it could be a business relationship, or it could be that you didn’t achieve a goal you set for yourself.

    1. It’s okay to be upset with God; He can handle it. He’s aware of emotions and He’s experienced everything we are experiencing. He was human after all. It’s okay to be confused and frustrated. The key is to bring that upset to Him. The key is to express yourself to Him as you would to a father you know and trust. And when you bring it to Him, listen to what He says to you in return. Now, I’m no expert in discerning His voice, but I can say that it feels good to release your frustration when you feel like sharing these emotions with people around you. Even if you can’t find the words, getting on your knees and crying helps a lot too.
    2. It’s okay to wake up one day and completely change yourself. It’s okay to want to embrace and embody a different persona, especially if the way you’ve moved through life hasn’t been serving you or helping you achieve your goals. I found myself wanting to hold on to stories I’ve told myself about who I am: I’m colourful, I’m quiet, I’m an introvert. There were a lot of storylines I’ve ingrained into myself that just don’t serve me or my purpose anymore. Now, I started focusing on how I can use my pain instead of trying to hide it or explain it away. I started changing the way I eat, the way I dress, and even the way I speak. And that’s okay. I may be unrecognizable to some people from my past, but everyone in my future already appreciates these changes in me. Even future me is loving what I’m doing now.
    3. People don’t have to explain to you the reasons they don’t want you in their life. And that’s okay. They don’t owe you anything; you only owe yourself to knowing that you’re worth more than a half-hearted explanation. This one was the hardest for me to get to, simply because I thought that the time and effort I put into a relationship should determine how the other person treats me. But I can’t control them or how they treat me. And if they have chosen not to treat me how I want to be treated, then it only means they aren’t supposed to be in my life.
  • Is there any sin worse than another?

    Is there any sin worse than another?

    Your sin is worse than mine. 

    I was listening in on something this morning, and someone said, “some people are so far gone that they can’t be recovered. There are some sins that you can’t get forgiveness for.” And he kept repeating it, over and over. And the more he said it, the more I thought to myself, “my God. This is really the mental state some Christians walk around with? After seeing Jesus do ALL the things he did?”

    First of all, Jesus has never shown evidence to discriminate based on sin/sinner. Let me remind you: Jesus hung out with thieves(Luke 23:43), tax collectors (Mark 2:15), murderers (Paul the apostle), rule breakers (Peter), paralyzed people (Mark 2:3-5), and people with leprosy (Matt 8:3), with women bleeding for 12 years (Matt 9:20-22), with adulterers (John 8:3-11), probably with gay people too! I say this because the Bible doesn’t record EVERYTHING he did. It only records what the authors could comprehend.

    Second of all, Jesus said your sin starts in your mind (Proverbs 22:1). There’s nothing we can think of, dream of, do, say, that he hasn’t already heard of! Do you think the people from the bible weren’t affected by worries about social standing, and caring about others’ opinions, depression and thoughts of suicide? Immune to being confused about sexuality, purpose, and direction? Spoiler alert: they wasn’t. So if this stuff was happening from way way back in the day, and he wrote the Ten Commandments for those going THROUGH IT, what makes anyone think that the same sin he forgave back in the day, won’t be the same sin he forgives today? What makes anyone think that showing love to the literal humans who killed him (Luke 23:34), won’t transfer to someone who has feelings for the same sex, has taken someone’s life or is eyes-ing his friend’s girl? Miss me with that narrow thinking, sir!

    Finally, here’s what really pissed me off. Besides it not being biblically sound or representative of what Jesus actually practiced in life, it is how it impacts people you come in contact with. Suppose, you walk through life already thinking that some sins are worse than others, and you find out someone has sinned, as a believer who has been commissioned to bring his light to the darkness. In that case, you are failing at your job! Hand in your two weeks! How would we possibly expect to get people to even be interested in hearing about God and his faithfulness if we walk in judging? How do we expect to reach people who are sinners (which the entire earth, including believers) if we’re unwilling to hang out with them? To listen to them? To be around them and see why they do what they do, their understanding of the world and what they think they can control? Assuming there’s a sin limit, a sin threshold, if you will, immediately creates a block when you come into contact with people. And as believers and princes and princesses, the least we can do is show His love to those who haven’t experienced him yet. That can’t start with us having hater blockers on. 

    So, no, sir. There is no sin that’s worse than another. There’s nowhere someone can go that’s irredeemable. There is NOTHING SOMEONE CAN DO, SAY OR THINK THAT JESUS AINT ALREADY CAME IN CONTACT WITH OR FORGAVE. Not only does he want you to come to him, but he’ll also wipe that right off your record as soon as you humble yourself before him (Hebrews 8:11). 

     

  • Start Building your Faith in One Practical Step

    Let me start by saying that life does not stop because you’re unsure of your next step, but your faith does diminish by sitting still.

    God does not stop working while you’re wondering what to do.

    At the top of this year (pre-pandemic), I was going through some emotional changes and doing some emotional labor for myself. I completely stopped talking to someone I thought was one of my best friends. I cut off all possible ties to an ex that I thought I would end up with for the past 10 years (more on that in a future post). And I started a more consistent walk with God by journaling and doing a daily devotional.

    And it wasn’t pretty.

    It is not what you would imagine with clear signs from God and an immediately changed heart.

    It is not hearing God’s voice every second of the day and being ‘a good witness’ every chance you get.

    It’s not even seeing yourself differently overnight – having a little more self-confidence when you wake up in the morning.

    Before I digress, let me get to the topic of today’s post: a practical step to building your faith in God. I’m currently reading the book of James in the Bible (and by currently, I mean I literally started yesterday) and I was surprised at the amount of practical information in this book. From how to deal with lack of faith to seeking wisdom to how to express yourself to different groups of people. And since I’m a person that likes clear instructions, when I was doing my devotional this morning, I came up with my own questions to ask myself to build my faith in God.

    Simply put, I figured out what works to pair with my faith.

    Also, I lied. It’s two steps, not one.

    Step 1: What am I struggling to faith with in this season?

    This could be anything from completing this year at work ‘successfully’ or something else like getting your driver’s licence. Whatever you are struggling to believe you will receive, write it down. Which leads me to…

    Step 2: What deed can I do as a step towards achieving that?

    Now this might not be a one step process. Actually, it might not be achievable on your own doing. Some things you literally have to leave to God (like finding my husband). But writing any possible, specific step down actually helps you realize that your goal might not be as far off as you imagine. For a few of mine, I wrote out the first 3 steps. For some, I wrote out the one step it requires. For others, I just wrote myself little tips to enhance what I’m already doing.

    As I was writing, I actually felt slightly relieved to see on paper that what I want and lack faith for are actually not that hard to achieve. Looking back at them now, they’re actually not the biggest issues in the world, but they’re big to me and for where I’m at with life right now.

    So once you start doing this and exercising your faith in God, what comes next? Your reward, right?

    Your reward for starting towards your goals, might not be in the way you imagine. I repeat, your reward can also be in the form of disappointment. A reward could also cause you more struggles with your faith and new things to update your two-step process with. Now, since I just started this exercise this morning, I have no idea how to deal with that, but I promise you I will let you know when I do. The only thing I can say, which I got from the book of James, was to count your trials as an opportunity to become more mature in the spirit and to ask for wisdom when temptation comes your way.

    Let me know in a comment if you’re planning on trying this out. You don’t have to tell me what you lack faith for, just let me know if you’ve identified anything in life.

    Light and Love,

    herlifenotyours.

  • The Faith to Stay

    Recently, I’ve been wondering a lot about my purpose in the space that I work. It feels like everyday brings a new challenge, a new worry and a new reason for me to quit.

    The past few weeks, I’ve felt overworked and under appreciated in almost every aspect of this job. If I’m being honest, it’s really the last few months. I’ll walk in and try to complete a task and it’s like there’s a mental block preventing me from moving past step one.

    I kept asking God to show me my next step. I kept asking Him to show me a way out, to give me patience and wisdom to be able to recognize when He was telling me to get out. I would pray, “God, If you’re listening, I don’t know how long I can do this for.”

    And recently, I created a resume and a whole cover letter and updated my LinkedIn profile. I even applied to a few jobs that would be in my skill set; the skill set that I cultivated while working at my current job. I looked at the requirements of some of the jobs and wouldn’t you know that most of the stipulations had something to do with my current job. I tried to imagine what it would be like to work there and what my responsibilities would entail and all that kept coming to mind was that my current job is probably the lesser of two evils because I would have no idea what starting over is like.

    I would have no idea what a business professional environment would be like; I work in fast food.

    I have no idea what working in a small team would be like; I manage 100 people.

    I have no idea what being the last decision-maker would be like; I have supervisors.

    I was trying to step into something that wasn’t even cloudy, it was downright dark over there.

    So I prayed again, because I knew that applying to jobs wasn’t a part of God’s plan for me right now. I knew there was a purpose for me in the place that I’m currently in, otherwise God would’ve never put me in this position. He would’ve never given me a position I couldn’t handle without Him.

    So I tuned into countless sermons on whatever I could find. I started to get more into my daily devotional. I started to wake up with a prayer and actively attempt to remember to pray while at work. I bought a book, Relationship Goals by Pastor Michael Todd in hopes of repairing whatever unrecognized and broken relationships made me get to this point of feeling unworthy all the time.

    And this is how I know that this is just a season of brokenness to make me stronger for whatever He has planned for me:

    I thought that my purpose might be to inspire; Girl, you have a whole blog that you can use for ANYTHING.

    I thought my purpose would be to share His love in unconventional places, like my job; Somebody where I work is going through heartbreak right now and chose ME to come to (and I’m reading a book called Relationship Goals; coincidence? I think not).

    I thought my purpose would be to make other young, struggling women feel normal and know that someone else goes through what they think is a unique situation; I have an Instagram I’m using to document my very slow journey into makeup artistry.

    I thought my purpose would be to be a light in a dark place. We unfortunately had a death in our work family and I have to be one of the people who tells employees that somebody they knew is no longer alive. I have to be strong for them. And the only way I can do that is to renew my strength daily with God. I don’t even know how to deal with emotional situations. I just cry out of anger and frustration and push things down, but God is using this tragic period to bring something out of me that I can’t quite identify yet.

    And then, this morning came.

    I had a whole new day that hundreds of people didn’t get to witness because of death or dire circumstances.

    And I started watching church online (after I was already having a praise session in my bedroom).

    “When your heart is breaking, that is when God dwells in your life. It takes faith to stay.”

    Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church said that we can’t control the first storm in life. These are the things that happen to you or for you depending on how you look at it. These are things like: depression, job loss, loneliness, stress at work, strain in your relationships, being unsuccessful at anything you think you’re good at, feeling lost and a feeling like you lack purpose in life. All of these are for me.

    The second storms are the ones you cause yourself by making decisions without God in it. These are things like: that relationship that lasted almost 4 years and ended anyways because he wasn’t a Christian. You thought you could change him and you weren’t planning on moving forward until he came to God, but you stayed anyway so you could feel loved and desired and attractive because you can’t see that through your own eyes, you can only see it through a man’s eyes. And the negative self-image that goes along with that. That’s me. And that’s just one storm of many.

    I say all this to say: don’t make decisions out of frustration and because where you are in life doesn’t look like what you thought it would. Don’t be hasty in trying to ‘correct’ what you think is wrong in your life. Sometimes, the storm you’re in is God trying to bring something out of you that you can take into the next storm. Because what do storms eventually do? They die down and pass. And then what eventually happens? Another starts again. And what you learned from the first one, is what you should be taking into the next.

    It takes faith to stay faithful. It takes faith to stay in a situation when social media and your friends tell you, “if you don’t like it move on.” There’s plenty of jobs, plenty of men, plenty of opportunity in the sea, yes. But they’re not all for you.

    God has a specific design for your life and even though you can’t see it or understand it right now, everything is working in your favor and for His glory.