trudiannracquel

trudiannracquel

  • 3 Things I Learned After my Breakup

    I will say this honestly.

    I have felt better in the past few days than I’ve felt over the past two months. I started waking up and not thinking about my ex. I started cooking for myself and eating well again. I felt myself falling in love with God and my life. I just started to look on the bright side of things.

    And that only started this past week.

    So, you can imagine my hesitation when I had planned weeks ago to write a blog post that brings up moments of distress and depression. However, I’m living with the mindset that my pain has a purpose. And through this pain, I had a few lightbulb moments that have really resonated with me.

    Hopefully, this will give you a little bit of comfort when you’re going through a difficult time. It doesn’t have to be heartbreak of the romantic kind: it could be friendship, it could be a business relationship, or it could be that you didn’t achieve a goal you set for yourself.

    1. It’s okay to be upset with God; He can handle it. He’s aware of emotions and He’s experienced everything we are experiencing. He was human after all. It’s okay to be confused and frustrated. The key is to bring that upset to Him. The key is to express yourself to Him as you would to a father you know and trust. And when you bring it to Him, listen to what He says to you in return. Now, I’m no expert in discerning His voice, but I can say that it feels good to release your frustration when you feel like sharing these emotions with people around you. Even if you can’t find the words, getting on your knees and crying helps a lot too.
    2. It’s okay to wake up one day and completely change yourself. It’s okay to want to embrace and embody a different persona, especially if the way you’ve moved through life hasn’t been serving you or helping you achieve your goals. I found myself wanting to hold on to stories I’ve told myself about who I am: I’m colourful, I’m quiet, I’m an introvert. There were a lot of storylines I’ve ingrained into myself that just don’t serve me or my purpose anymore. Now, I started focusing on how I can use my pain instead of trying to hide it or explain it away. I started changing the way I eat, the way I dress, and even the way I speak. And that’s okay. I may be unrecognizable to some people from my past, but everyone in my future already appreciates these changes in me. Even future me is loving what I’m doing now.
    3. People don’t have to explain to you the reasons they don’t want you in their life. And that’s okay. They don’t owe you anything; you only owe yourself to knowing that you’re worth more than a half-hearted explanation. This one was the hardest for me to get to, simply because I thought that the time and effort I put into a relationship should determine how the other person treats me. But I can’t control them or how they treat me. And if they have chosen not to treat me how I want to be treated, then it only means they aren’t supposed to be in my life.

  • 8 Spring Wardrobe Staples for the #BasicBlackGirl

    Hello, Hi!

    As you know from my About this Space page, I recently got my heart broken. And with heartbreak, some people cave into themselves (which I definitely did) and some people flourish (which I think I’m in the process of doing).

    As a part of my entering my flourish era, I decided to re-do my entire wardrobe. Usually, I am a super colourful and loud person with my wardrobe. It’s probably a subconscious way to make up for the fact that I am an introvert and I refuse to start conversations with other people, so I used my clothing to get them to come to me. However, I found myself getting stuck when I looked in my wardrobe. I hadn’t really gotten dressed in months. And every time I did get dressed, it was the same pair of pants and the same hoodie. Literally.

    So, I gave myself a challenge: get rid of all the colourful stuff you know you’re not wearing and stick to the basics. Maybe this will help you get dressed more often. Maybe it will help to get the creative juices flowing and give you a little more confidence.

    Fashion was usually a fail-safe way for me to feel better about myself. And since I’m low in the confidence department, a reset was exactly what I needed.

    Here are the items that I’ve found myself reaching for the past 2 weeks that I’ve decided to get dressed. I kept the list of stores small just so I wouldn’t overwhelm you. But really, you could get these from anywhere. Some of mine, I even got from the thrift store.

    1. Oversized white T-Shirt 

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    Mango

    2. Dark Washed Skinny Jeans

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

    3. Light Washed Mom Jeans

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

    4. Oversized Zip-Up Hoodie

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

    5. White Sneakers

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

    6. Denim Jacket

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

    7. Button Down

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

    8. Trench Coat

    H&M

    ZARA

    Amazon Basics

    Uniqlo

    The Bay

  • Is there any sin worse than another?

    Is there any sin worse than another?

    Your sin is worse than mine. 

    I was listening in on something this morning, and someone said, “some people are so far gone that they can’t be recovered. There are some sins that you can’t get forgiveness for.” And he kept repeating it, over and over. And the more he said it, the more I thought to myself, “my God. This is really the mental state some Christians walk around with? After seeing Jesus do ALL the things he did?”

    First of all, Jesus has never shown evidence to discriminate based on sin/sinner. Let me remind you: Jesus hung out with thieves(Luke 23:43), tax collectors (Mark 2:15), murderers (Paul the apostle), rule breakers (Peter), paralyzed people (Mark 2:3-5), and people with leprosy (Matt 8:3), with women bleeding for 12 years (Matt 9:20-22), with adulterers (John 8:3-11), probably with gay people too! I say this because the Bible doesn’t record EVERYTHING he did. It only records what the authors could comprehend.

    Second of all, Jesus said your sin starts in your mind (Proverbs 22:1). There’s nothing we can think of, dream of, do, say, that he hasn’t already heard of! Do you think the people from the bible weren’t affected by worries about social standing, and caring about others’ opinions, depression and thoughts of suicide? Immune to being confused about sexuality, purpose, and direction? Spoiler alert: they wasn’t. So if this stuff was happening from way way back in the day, and he wrote the Ten Commandments for those going THROUGH IT, what makes anyone think that the same sin he forgave back in the day, won’t be the same sin he forgives today? What makes anyone think that showing love to the literal humans who killed him (Luke 23:34), won’t transfer to someone who has feelings for the same sex, has taken someone’s life or is eyes-ing his friend’s girl? Miss me with that narrow thinking, sir!

    Finally, here’s what really pissed me off. Besides it not being biblically sound or representative of what Jesus actually practiced in life, it is how it impacts people you come in contact with. Suppose, you walk through life already thinking that some sins are worse than others, and you find out someone has sinned, as a believer who has been commissioned to bring his light to the darkness. In that case, you are failing at your job! Hand in your two weeks! How would we possibly expect to get people to even be interested in hearing about God and his faithfulness if we walk in judging? How do we expect to reach people who are sinners (which the entire earth, including believers) if we’re unwilling to hang out with them? To listen to them? To be around them and see why they do what they do, their understanding of the world and what they think they can control? Assuming there’s a sin limit, a sin threshold, if you will, immediately creates a block when you come into contact with people. And as believers and princes and princesses, the least we can do is show His love to those who haven’t experienced him yet. That can’t start with us having hater blockers on. 

    So, no, sir. There is no sin that’s worse than another. There’s nowhere someone can go that’s irredeemable. There is NOTHING SOMEONE CAN DO, SAY OR THINK THAT JESUS AINT ALREADY CAME IN CONTACT WITH OR FORGAVE. Not only does he want you to come to him, but he’ll also wipe that right off your record as soon as you humble yourself before him (Hebrews 8:11). 

     

  • Start Building your Faith in One Practical Step

    Let me start by saying that life does not stop because you’re unsure of your next step, but your faith does diminish by sitting still.

    God does not stop working while you’re wondering what to do.

    At the top of this year (pre-pandemic), I was going through some emotional changes and doing some emotional labor for myself. I completely stopped talking to someone I thought was one of my best friends. I cut off all possible ties to an ex that I thought I would end up with for the past 10 years (more on that in a future post). And I started a more consistent walk with God by journaling and doing a daily devotional.

    And it wasn’t pretty.

    It is not what you would imagine with clear signs from God and an immediately changed heart.

    It is not hearing God’s voice every second of the day and being ‘a good witness’ every chance you get.

    It’s not even seeing yourself differently overnight – having a little more self-confidence when you wake up in the morning.

    Before I digress, let me get to the topic of today’s post: a practical step to building your faith in God. I’m currently reading the book of James in the Bible (and by currently, I mean I literally started yesterday) and I was surprised at the amount of practical information in this book. From how to deal with lack of faith to seeking wisdom to how to express yourself to different groups of people. And since I’m a person that likes clear instructions, when I was doing my devotional this morning, I came up with my own questions to ask myself to build my faith in God.

    Simply put, I figured out what works to pair with my faith.

    Also, I lied. It’s two steps, not one.

    Step 1: What am I struggling to faith with in this season?

    This could be anything from completing this year at work ‘successfully’ or something else like getting your driver’s licence. Whatever you are struggling to believe you will receive, write it down. Which leads me to…

    Step 2: What deed can I do as a step towards achieving that?

    Now this might not be a one step process. Actually, it might not be achievable on your own doing. Some things you literally have to leave to God (like finding my husband). But writing any possible, specific step down actually helps you realize that your goal might not be as far off as you imagine. For a few of mine, I wrote out the first 3 steps. For some, I wrote out the one step it requires. For others, I just wrote myself little tips to enhance what I’m already doing.

    As I was writing, I actually felt slightly relieved to see on paper that what I want and lack faith for are actually not that hard to achieve. Looking back at them now, they’re actually not the biggest issues in the world, but they’re big to me and for where I’m at with life right now.

    So once you start doing this and exercising your faith in God, what comes next? Your reward, right?

    Your reward for starting towards your goals, might not be in the way you imagine. I repeat, your reward can also be in the form of disappointment. A reward could also cause you more struggles with your faith and new things to update your two-step process with. Now, since I just started this exercise this morning, I have no idea how to deal with that, but I promise you I will let you know when I do. The only thing I can say, which I got from the book of James, was to count your trials as an opportunity to become more mature in the spirit and to ask for wisdom when temptation comes your way.

    Let me know in a comment if you’re planning on trying this out. You don’t have to tell me what you lack faith for, just let me know if you’ve identified anything in life.

    Light and Love,

    herlifenotyours.

  • My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite// Book Review

    My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite// Book Review

    “Korede’s [younger] sister Ayoola is many things: the favorite child, the beautiful one, possibly sociopathic.” If that’s not an intro to an amazing premise for a story, I don’t know what is.

    My Sister, The Serial Killer follows two Nigerian sisters, the younger of which is technically termed a serial killer because, so far, she’s stabbed and killed 3 of her ex-boyfriends. Korede, bending to Ayoola’s will because of an inherent need to protect her, is the one who cleans up every time.

    As in most sibling relationships, it’s been drilled into Korede to keep baby sister safe, no matter what. Adding to the fact that she isn’t seen as a ‘typical’ beauty (dark skin, big lips, above average height), Korede is tethered to her little sister in a way that is really fascinating.

    See, big sister knows that everything about all the situations is wrong: killing somebody, helping to clean up, her sister’s stories of why she does it. But that doesn’t stop her from helping anyways. Call it a desperate need to feel wanted by somebody socially important, or weakness, unfailing loyalty, or a desire to keep up a facade, Korede continues to help her sister whenever she kills someone. She brings the bleach, the body bags and general common sense to the situation. However, she finds herself being tested when Ayoola’s next boyfriend is someone she’s in love with.

    Now, you’ll have to read the second half of the book to find out what happens in that weird love triangle, but let’s just say (a) there’s more to the younger sister than meets the eye – she’s actually kind of insightful and a pretty savvy business woman and (b) not everyone gets what’s coming to them.

    I read this book in about a day: in between breaks at work, while travelling on the bus and spending a few extra hours at home at the end of the day. I consumed it. There were definitely times when I laughed out loud in public. There were definitely times when I wanted to slap a few characters in the book. It’s marketed as a thriller, but I don’t know if I would call it that. There’s moments where I’m left wondering what’s about to happen, but thriller seems more along the lines of darkness, which doesn’t really describe this book.

    It’ll make you laugh out loud, re-examine your loyalties and leave you with more questions than on a multiple choice test.

    My rating: 4/5

     

  • Reading Rush 2020 // July TBR

    The past few months, I’ve been getting into reading again! Hallelujah, because I was starting to get worried about my habits and hobbies. So to kick start my reading this season, I’ve decided to participate in the Reading Rush.

    A little background if you will: I don’t know what the reading rush really is, I don’t know the people who started it, I just saw it on a Youtuber’s channel and decided, “hey, I can read 7 books in a month! Let’s try it!” I do know…that the creators are Canadian…if that makes even an inkling of a difference. (It does not).

    I decided to put a little spin on it though. All the books on my TBR are by Black authors, which was surprisingly easy for to accomplish given my small stack of books that I haven’t read yet. And I work full-time, usually 50 hours per week, so completing these books in one week was laughable. I’m just reading them throughout the month of July.

    Here are the prompts and here are my book choices!

    1. Read a book with a cover that matches the color of your birthstone

    November Baby here. My birthstone is citrine and unfortunately I don’t have something that completely matches that. I’ve also seen that my birthstone is topaz? So I chose Finding Yvonne by Brandy Colbert. Not that much yellow on it, but her chain is bright yellow, and the background is blue so that counts right? Right.

    1. Read a book that starts with the word “The”.

    For this I chose The Stars and the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petrus. I’ve had this in my bag to read for about a week now, and I ended up taking it out after reading the first page. It started off with broken English and as a Jamaican (born and raised), I wasn’t expecting that. Lol. It just threw me off, but I really still want to read it. Black girls, Caribbean heritage, immigration, queerness?! Gold.

    1. Read a book that inspired a movie you’ve already seen

    Did you know that Hidden Figures was a book??? I did not. I had to Google for this prompt because I couldn’t even think of Black-voiced movies, much less Black books that inspired Black movies. So for this prompt, I’m reading Hidden Figures by Margot Lee Shatterly.

    1. Read the First book you touch

    Okay, I don’t know how this is supposed to work. So I just closed my eyes (after I took the books I already read), ran my fingers across my books and stopped. I landed on My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan BraithWaite. Somebody’s sister is a serial killer. What? I don’t even grasp that concept; it’s so wild to me. My sister is a pastor’s wife and blogger, so if she was a serial killer my mind would be blown.

    1. Read a book completely outside your house

    So, after extensive research (i.e. that one video I watched on that Youtuber’s channel), I discovered that for this challenge, it would be ideal to read a short book. This is genius for two reasons: 1. It’s summer and I’m not trying to be outside and get dehydrated. 2. I’ll feel accomplished when I finish a book, even if it is shorter. For this, I’ll be reading The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo. She writes this book in really short sentences, with incredibly large margins and if it’s anything like her other books, I will love it.

    1. Read a book in a genre you’ve always wanted to read more of

    I’ve discovered that I enjoy a good dystopian novel, with actual character development and a plot that comes to a logical conclusion. Since summer for me creates feelings of lightness and I instinctively want to read something ‘cute’, I chose a science fiction book set in Los Angeles in the hopes that it would give me summer, but dystopia. Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler is definitely NOT ‘cute’, but ever since discovering that science fiction is really just futuristic predictions, I wanted to read more of that genre. And what better way to think about the future that to see it through the lens of a Black girl?

    1. Read a book that takes place on a different continent from where you live

    I live in Canada, so almost every book in my collection was off limits for this prompt because we live in a world that tends to idolize North American culture. But, in my recent book Black buying binge, I picked up A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Rosanne A Brown. All I’ve heard about this is ‘West African, people trying to kill to get back the people they love, magic’ so hopefully, it really does take place in Africa, otherwise, I would’ve just added this book for no reason.

    Is anybody else taking part in the Reading Rush challenge? I’ll be vlogging my experience on my Youtube channel which I’ll link here once it’s up. Let me know which books are on your TBR for this month!